Yeah, I'm Fire Lady Mai
by samtana
Summary: Yeah, I’m Fire Lady Mai. So get me another drink before I throw a knife at you, or something.


Yeah, I'm Fire Lady Mai. So get me another drink before I throw a knife at you, or something.

What does it look like I'm doing here? I'm drinking, you imbecile.

Oh, don't give me that. Of course I'm not traveling with him. Zuko never really wanted me to help with the Reconstruction anyway. He'd rather go off on long trips to the Earth Kingdom alone and leave me at home. And do you know why? Get this: he says it's because he needs me here in the Fire Nation to look after things while he's gone. Ha! He's probably just making an excuse to spend his nights with some swanky Earth Kingdom girls. Oh, yeah, my husband would do something like that. You don't believe me? Well, la dee da.

Hey, get me a refill, here.

Of course I know the avatar. Are you stupid? I fought him while I was working for Azula. Geeze, you guys are ignorant. The avatar was just a goofy, naïve kid when I met him, but now he's just naïve. You know, his wife and my husband share something in common: a bed. Oh, they think I don't know, but I've seen how Zuko was drawn to that Water Tribe trash. And don't tell me that Katara's in the South Pole while Zuko's in the Earth Kingdom. I know they've been sleeping together behind my back, and it's only a matter of time before I catch them in the act.

And then what? Oh, I don't know. Maybe I'll practice some knife throwing. Yeah, believe whatever you want. All I care is that you bring me the booze.

Toph? The tiny, blind one? Yeah, I knew her, too. Loudmouthed brat. She has spunk I just can't deal with, and on top of that she's just plain gross. She spits everywhere and picks her nose and never takes a bath. Ugh, it's disgusting. I hated spending time with her and her freaky earthbending powers and her bare feet and strange-looking eyes.

Sh, listen closely. I haven't told anyone about this yet. I'm pretty sure she's the reason my husband keeps sneaking off to the Earth Kingdom. Don't laugh; it's true! They've been having an affair as soon as she found out how to do it. Seriously. Yeah, I know he says he's making treaties and negotiating with Earth Kingdom leaders and everything, but it's all just a weak façade for finding time at night behind closed doors with that spoiled ball of attitude. They've had the hots for each other since they met, trust me. I know that kind of thing.

What are you staring at? Yeah, everyone, look at Fire Lady Mai. Point and gasp, peasants. Yippee.

Why would you suggest such a thing? Why would I ever want to confront my husband about this crap? He's the one who's sleeping with all my so-called friends. It's not my fault, so why should _I_ approach _him_ about it? Besides, the only woman he ever feels the need to talk to anymore is Suki. It is not ridiculous! Why else do you think she's never on Kioshi Island where she's supposed to be? And, believe me, it's not because her husband is traveling with Zuko as an aide. It's obvious she's just trying to get inside the Fire Lord's pants.

Of course Zuko's sleeping with all of them! Isn't it obvious? He's so seductive and they're all so young and impressionable. How could he not take them to bed behind my back? Let me tell you, and I speak from personal experience here, that sleeping with Zuko is a transcendental experience. No, look at me, and stop blushing. Look at these eyes. I'm serious. Making love with him is incredible, and of course everyone wants in on it. How could they not? And how could Zuko refuse? They're all young women who are just budding into their womanly sexuality, but I, but I…

Excuse me for a moment.

Yeah, I would like a tissue, if you have one.

Okay, I think I'm feeling better now. Deep breaths, one, two, three.

You know what I mean, though, don't you? No, I can't prove any of it, any of those affairs Zuko's having. But I keep thinking that he's off with some young foreigner whenever he's away. I mean, look at me. Look at me! I'm flat chested, pale, and I'm always in a sour mood. Don't try and deny it. I'm not very attractive, it's true. I can't believe I got a man as handsome, important, and lovable as Zuko to even notice me, let alone marry me. I know every wife likes to say that about her husband, but it's true. Everyone with an ounce of sense can tell that the Water Tribe peasant, the blind earthbender, and the Kioshi girl are all more attractive than me. So how can Zuko possibly stay faithful? How could I possibly satisfy him the way those girls could?

No, thanks. I think I'm done for the night.

You know how it feels to have something so important you'll do anything to keep it from slipping through your fingers, right? I can't believe how inadequate I am for Zuko, but I cling to him. I feel so selfish, but I can't help it. I keep thinking that he's sleeping with someone twice as beautiful as me, and it drives me crazy. No, it's not paranoia. I don't think it's paranoia. It's a legitimate concern. I mean, who would you rather sleep with? Me or that Water Tribe girl? Wait, don't answer that. I don't want to know.

What are you all looking at? Do you expect me to dance or something?

----------------------------------------------------

If you ask me, Zuko wouldn't be having affairs with all those women. He's better than that.

I don't own Avatar.

-samtana


End file.
